I'm so fucking centered right now
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
