I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
