Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
