Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Found the puke drawer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
