dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
