shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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