We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
