I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
