Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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