Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You may now shotgun with the bride
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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