his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
