In America we eat man semen.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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