It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
