Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize