There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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