i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
