Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
