I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pinky promised me she was 18
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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