i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
