He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
