and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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