Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
