Im at strip club and am horny
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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