your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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