Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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