his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
