Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
