I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
