Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
