I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
