Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
