Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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