dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
