Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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