I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again