I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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