My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
