About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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