does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the day after is always just damage control
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
