But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Floor bacon is actually really good
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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