Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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