and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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