It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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