Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize