Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
