call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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