Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
