do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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