So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize