please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
