I just saw a hot homeless man
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
