I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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