She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
