Someone shit on the floor
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
