Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
