today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
