Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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