Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
