My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
