You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
