He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
