Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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