I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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