Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
