Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
