I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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