just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
