k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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