Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
