I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Randomize
