Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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