Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
