dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
