okay pat passed out under dana's car
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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