Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
