Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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