My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
