it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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