Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
