tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
