Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
