Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
