Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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