You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
