it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
