Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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