just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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