i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
