I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
